Tuesday, 5 May 2020

An obituary of a dreamer


Blessed !!


Was it real? I questioned many times before reassuring myself of its true happening. It had been an ache persistently pestering since before the containment of choices imposed due to assault of the invisible invader onto the earth and it just aggravated as soon as the freedom got stifled by the wishes of men and women in securing an escape from the curse of death. The pain had a simple origin and a single mission. Just to flee. Cared not whether it would a run through the jungle or cycling down to the foothills or sailing the yacht to nowhere or just wandering through the shapeless alleyways of the memories. It was an intense feeling of just running away from a world that spoke a different language what I could understand; and I accepted that it was all my inability, my unsuitability to walk in the middle of the world peeling out the muggle sense and stature. Yet, the world has its own chain of freedoms and keys to allow or deny one or many in a single turn. It would define the liberty in its own wise way and it would certainly be all for my welfare and in course of such, my wishes were tamed to soberness.  

The privilege always dances in a peculiar rhythm. It came unexpectedly when the world got suddenly engaged in a fight for survival. They had no luxury time then to see who all had fled, why and to where. And I fled on a bright broad day. 

The jungle was thinner and, in the noontide, the radiant rays of the middle-aged sun were streaming through the hairs of those tall trees. It dancing footsteps were alike the transient images of the golden deer in the deep forest of Chitrakoot and chasing it had already left my memories turning into pebbles on the trail, shining here and there. I could see the track getting narrower as I began ascending through the clouds mystically veiling the shoulder of the mountain. The jungle was getting denser and dark too and gradually I lost the margin between the day and night. I kept the walk on the edge of the coin without annoying either face. In that day or night, I had my insomniac eyes glowing green to guide me through an invisible path and the thoughts driving me to preserve my existence in a contrasted sequence of experiences. The thoughts were dreams animated and dreams were thoughts frozen while they coexisted without much resentment or integration.  In a similar non-confronting mood, I saw the God, Satan and Lucifer sitting a little far upon a dead branch of an old oak tree. Together they asked, “What’s the purpose of a man here?” I said, “I’m not a man. I don’t have that enamelled soul, those suave lips and that holy wisdom. I am an outcast; an outsider to the world of the man. I am a fugitive who is a seed of a dream that couldn’t prosper into reality; but the dream has lost its prime in the pursuit. It is now like a white beard that shines and swings only.” Satan said, “Then you must be in my team. Hey, God, see! The time’s changing.” Before I could further explain, the God and Satan fell into a real squabble. Lucifer intervened rather timidly, “Come on, friends! Don’t fall into another trap of devious man. They have learnt all the spells to wreck our spines and split our spleens. I lost all credibility only in believing them, loving them. Satan was right to foretell that man was not at all an adorable creation.”

I decided to move on as I had neither any love nor hatred towards any of them, but did not enjoy their presence in my blissful journey. Yet, I couldn’t resist asking only a small question before leaving, “What makes all of you together in such an awkward place at such an awkward hour?” The God whispered diffidently, “We are in crisis now. As you are neither a god nor a demon nor an angel and, most importantly, nor a man too, we can unhesitatingly tell you that we are in a deep crisis to secure our realms from the shameless attempts of man. They are out to dislodge us. It was all my foolishness to bless them with freedom of choices alike I did to the angels. Now, I, rather we all, are victims of their cruel manoeuvrings. In their manipulative tricks those divine choices are now delivering disastrous outcomes. We need to defend the earth and will thrash them, punish them, curse them. We shall regain the world from pervasive ambitions of man.”

As I had no interest in who won and when, I took leave and slowly reached the summit of the mountain. It was dazzling bright with ice speaking to air and sunshine. I could see the small earth below under complete lockdown. People breaking the laws created by own and imposing it also by own might. I wondered if I had grown wings. I could feel my hands were not moving, but fluttering. I was delighted to have wings at last to fly; to fly around, over the mountains, over the dales and meadows, over the rivers and lakes, over the forests. I spread the wings and soared higher and higher in the sky. The earth began to wrap itself and turned into a blue ball floating in a sea of space. I relaxed in a free flight. But, for spreading it for a long time, my wings had melted in the warmth of the naked sun and it almost lost the air in its shrunken sleeves to hold me afloat. Gradually I started falling, floating and falling. The fall was inevitable that I could also sense. The blue earth was appearing closer and closer and I could see her face more keenly. It looked like an innocent face of a child. Did I break the innocence of its crescent face? Can one reclaim the innocence once broken? Wondering and falling, I found myself floating by her side in an eternal sea of thoughts. I drifted and floated and it floated along with me. When waves took us to the shore, I was out of breath. I had no strength left to rise. I could barely open my eyes. I was on the shore. I was on the shore of the mankind. I was lying upside down, my chest pressing the wet soul of the weeping beach. By my side I saw the earth lying; motionless, upside down. Her blue face still I could see. I struggled hard to open my eyes to see her for the last time. Her faced seemed to look like the gentle face of a Syrian kid. A little soul from the other side of the world—bruised and cursed—lying upon his tiny chest on lap of the angelic shore of Turkey. Bloated and floated in a failed pursuit of dream. A dream to see the world in peace; in loving care of little wants of living. I was journeying a new path. A path leading to nativity. To the innocent past of man; the child in him down through the ripples of the sand dunes, where bubbles of ocean were sacrificing the wishes of the expanse; to a world never known, in all darkness, through the solitude of Macondo; erasing the image of the chivalry on the back of the ancient coin. In deep silence, I sank; drowning through the bubbles of memories, rising above from all around, leaving me in an emptiness of mind, thoughts, dreams and desires. I could see the last dream, the last memory, the last desire leaving with those smiling sparkling bubbles; perhaps, they were to build a hope, a true hope to return to the freshness of the day; a forgotten childhood of man.

4 comments:

  1. Every single line of this post is soul stirring.... Loved these lines the most "The thoughts were dreams animated and dreams were thoughts frozen while they coexisted without much resentment or integration"

    And the part where you mentioned that Syrian kid... It just left me with a lump in my throat and reminded me of that snap I had seen...." A dream to see the world in peace; in loving care of little wants of living"...I guess this is going to remain a dream always for times to come... Earth might change it's face from that innocent childlike to wrinkled and aged... But that dream will still remain far from reality!!

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  2. The footprints of your thoughts and reflections lead it further to carry one....much appreciated...my regards

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  3. What is Man? How he exists when the World he lives in, crumbles? He wakes up to a world he hardly knew. His surroundings sequestered, men, women, girls who once jostled in sunlight are retrieved in shadowed shelters, a twitchy pain pesters deep in his chest what happens if...Society redefines limits he is tethered to. An invisible enemy has raided. Man's pride is pricked. He feels vulnerable. His anxiety mounts because he is going to sacrifice the freedom he has nurtured so long and never compromised. Very fast his choices are getting limited.

    Society prescribes new norms, new sets of behaviour. Our protagonist who is not Everyman, does not quite question them. It would appear that he is not one who treads mindlessly with others on the great road of life. But there is another layer: he accepts what is given for him. When windows shut around, he sheds commonplace logic and sojourns into mind's untrodden alleys, its peaks and precipices. The journey is fascinating to the brim, day melts into night, thoughts into dreams. The path of the journey is as fascinating as the attractiveness of an eluding destination but it is then that the encounter takes place. The protagonist meets with God, Satan and Lucifer.

    The coexistence would strike strange but strange things happen in a metaphysical journey. The experience would always lure into bewilderment but a simpler logic of higher order of innocence prevails. God explains it in no unequivocal terms.

    Man makes and unmakes his destiny. Man who once saw in himself the seeds of perfection, is not so noble and adorable any more. Lucifer rightly recognises that Man is not so adorable as you would think. So long he continues in fetters of flesh, he will gouge every opportunity he finds and pillage every treasure he sees in Nature. Nature, on her part so long forgiving, relents. Flummoxed by a completely new and unimagined enemy with far larger power, Man is constantly being limited by an invisible raider invading his life, mind and psyche.
    The protagonist sees it all in his vision. He sees it because he could shed some of man's frailties. There he is touched in empathy with the little earth still groping to find peaceful salvation for it.

    The allegory takes a full circle when the protagonist having reached the mountain peak plummets deep to the abyss where he lies side by side with Earth. Innocence and vulnerability together create the magic in the image of the Syrian boy. The blue Earth appears as helpless as the Syrian boy before the inexorable and mindless regress of civilization. The presence of Lucifer in the triumvirate is intriguing. Lucifer (Mephistopheles) is present in Marlowe's Dr. Faustus who like present day Man, soared high in his ambitions, and exploited Nature's resources in the wrong way and his life punished in flames of eternal perdition.

    The protagonist is not Faustus however. He is more like Ariel a rarefied soul that feels, understands and has empathy. He reaches the summit because he can shed expectations, leave consequences of action and remains disinterested till the end. He is a lonely traveller separate from hordes of faceless folk shrunken and tethered to their homes.

    Times are hard. Mortality is spreading its shadows large and larger. Man, the proud Man's choices are also shrinking. What he will do now? Will he unlearn his vices to learn values afresh? Locked in his self, he gets time to think. He has to choose. It is a hard choice.

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    Replies
    1. Indeed, Amitjyoti, it's a hard choice....for retaining a dream in its innocent shelf and keep it alive as long as...at least to escape its final question, if it dies....for I to die or you to live, God knows which is better....as the great philosopher said
      Thanks for your insightful analysis....you looked at it also from a different angle that inspires me...as I always believe that the writer doesn't hold it once he sets the bird to fly in open space...he is the trigger point...to clear out of the gravity...readers' explorations make the flight delightful and eventful....like life... which is like a book that contains scribbles of avid readers on pages bearing imprints of every other souls than the author.....thus the death becomes glorious when remembered by many souls who also carry wishes for the life lived....my affection

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