An idle brain and some stupid thoughts

Imagination stretches the realm of intellectual competence of mind; but also attempts to sail wistfully afar towards some illusory horizons and mislays the anchor where it finally loses power to govern the whole anymore.

In the name of the Father !

It was one monsoon day. The morning could reveal itself only through some grey patches on the overcast sky. The previous night was spent amidst angry shouts and flashes of thunders and I could only hear occasional beats of a faintly tuned music of falling raindrops. It was still a busy morning for me—to get ready by eight and set off. In a few seconds, I was seen walking towards the Bus stand. It was not raining, yet it had its presence deep in my thoughts and surely, in apprehension of its arrival at any moment. Such a pensive countenance of nature had a strong reflection upon the mirror of the city life of some twenty-five years back. And, I was left in the emptiness of the world with sky, sun and rain all veiled in uncertainty.
While in the midway to my destination, the nature could not hold its suspense any further, and it started raining furiously, as if to lay bare its anguish hidden so far and so long for to share with someone who never came. I hoped to comfort, console and hear, but I was left ignored with myself.
The bus dropped me at Mayo’s crossing and was soon vanished. Like a spoonful detergent in the eddy of washtub, I melted into dense walls of rain. Before I could decide whether to take shelter or not, I had almost run a few hundred metres. My glasses were weeping. I crossed the road with all confidence in mind of getting smashed under moving cars. When I got myself settled comfortably, I could realise that I was still alive, drenched completely from head to toe and had fifteen minutes before the first lecture was scheduled to start.
It was for that lecture only I had taken all troubles to reach my college. Within a few minutes, I was knocking at the dark brown door of a first floor room in St. Xavier’s. “Come in” sounded instantaneously and I rushed inside to find him fully dressed for the class.
“Hey, Shishu ! You’re soaked ! Put on that shirt, quick !”—he spoke as hurriedly as his nature could allow him to do. While I changed, he lit a galloise ( a French navy brand of cigar) and put it between my lips. I enjoyed its strong gust running through narrow avenues of my lungs and puffed out a grey cloud of smoke.
It was time for lecture to start, and together we entered the classroom—a meagrely represented—to be soon greeted by bursting laughter of my friends. When it mellowed down to silence, my septuagenarian companion said, “Kids, today we will discuss how meaningful is the spontaneity of joy over experiencing a new piece of knowledge, as you have felt in observing Shishu having put on my shirt, and what is its functional relevance as explained in mathematical philosophy.” He went on explaining a new facet and traversed from nature, rain, life, mind, expression, and finally to its reflections through mathematical functions. What he taught was what he was scheduled to teach on that day; but he began and ended with a new event all together to make learning a joyous soulful learning.
The man, I was talking about, was Reverend Fr. Goreaux, a great mathematician, philosopher, physicist and a superb human being. He was twice honoured with Doctorate in Science for his outstanding contribution to both Mathematics and Physics, latter one while working under one of the greatest Scientists of modern world, Albert Einstein. My words and thoughts will never be able to measure the magnitude of his vast knowledge, the profundity of his spiritual and philosophical opulence, and the devotion towards advancement of learning. In one single sentence, he was an idol to whoever had come to his proximity.
And, for me, he had been more than anything that could describe of an individual and a human being with similar flesh and blood like us, but so enriched in every aspect of human expressions. It was he, for me, who stood as an altar where I could have no sins left with me, no thoughts unexpressed and no pains uncomforted.
His lips were as pink as that of an infant, despite withstanding heavy smoking. For me and my closest friend (who is a renowned professor in PenSU), his prefect’s room was a world where our ideas, ideals, and expressions had taken refuge.
One day, after the morning lecture, he invited two of us to meet him in the afternoon. “I have a great surprise to share with you, kids!” We had quite anxiously passed through the day expecting a new discovery, a miracle of Science to be revealed before our eyes (quite naturally from a man of his character) and rolled into his room as soon as the classes had its end. We all sat together, cigarettes dangling involuntarily on our lips and anxieties frothing inside, and his soft voice conveyed, “ Here are those keys, I have added to my typewriter, and, you see, how perfect their strokes are !”. Those type-keys were all manually set against riders to get mathematical symbols to be typewritten. It might seem to be an anti-climax, but we were maimed by his innocent joy of exploring at an age of seventy plus and its richness in sharing so joyously. We learnt that only true knowledge could contribute to such innocence.
It did transform our life. We could not transform ourselves alike him; it can never be imitated; but it richly contributed to transform our views of life. We could learn to feel why those men were great, and why they had been so godly.
Father, endow me with strength just to embrace this much of faith and belief till I live in this beautiful world.
I miss you Father, I miss your warm off-white shirt. May God feel ever satiated for having created such a perfect being.

Funny thoughts....

It is so encouraging that there is so much of fun and laughter in this beautiful world. Still, it is disheartening to experience when it resides elsewhere than in a joyous soul…

Why is an Introspective Mind here?

While choosing the title of my blog did I presuppose an existence of mind and was there a relevance of its having an introspection ? Did I truly venture out for such introspection to take place with any definite causal existence in behind, if the former presupposition had been admittedly existed in my concept; or it was a mere fancy to impress the receptive field with marvel of a couple of beautiful words that betray pride of certain intellectual conditioning of human reflections beyond its own worth ? Further, did I choose it consciously or it was an impetuosity of mind that carried hidden desire to attain a glorified identity of a conscious mind beyond its real disposition ?
These were the questions, which I presented myself with even before I had conceptualized to float this blog. In a more explanatory description, it did not actually owe to its present form of public valuation, but to very necessity of its being contributory to its own existing self. The concept of publication of this blog came following on a much later course with a greater recognition of relevance of social auditing of individual expressions and its consequent effects on the social mirror. In that way, the concept of introspection had been in peaceful recluse, which realized of its relevance of social valuation in course of time. And, for these reasons I had to answer all those fundamental queries to satisfy the self long before it even found its hermitage to reside somewhere else than before a public view.
If I were to reiterate what had been the responses to those fundamental questions, it would always be natural for me to display the course it had treaded in doing so.
The presupposition of a mind is not a matter of serious analysis as both science and philosophy have accepted this presupposition as universally true with its forms and explanations varying with respective subjects of pursuits. It has also taken for granted that a mind truly exists in human body irrespective of whatever standard of intellectual ability it may hold within, subject to certain conditionings necessary for its revelation. There may run debates over efficacy of neurons, sense organs and even functional display of brain as an organ so much it relate to human thought process or its receptive faculties, either active or passive. However, there is not denial in its imperative presence in human expressions as well as experiences. In its being a subject of academic discourse, it comes out as a suiting victor faster through scientific explanation than in philosophical questioning. It appears in more glorified manner in such explanation than in any other fields of human intellectual activities. Nevertheless, if one has to assess its worth qualitatively than in form of just a quantitative presence, its placement needs to undergo validation through philosophical analysis. Empirical views of theory of knowledge propose to define mind as a reflective slate that not only reflects, but also absorbs, holds and stores images of sense experiences for initiation of concepts, present or future. These views deny existence of any pre-existing impressions upon human mind—a priori—and, as such, endorse of access to knowledge only through sense experiences ( posterior ) starting with a blank slate at initial stage of its being. According to such proposition, every impressions of sense experiences are scripted on mind to form its perception, either internal or external. The Rationalists’ hold a somewhat different view over its vacant existence at its birth, rather they hold that mind possesses some innate qualities pre-existing in itself for reasoned analysis of sense experiences and formulation of concepts. In other words, the concept is independent of sense experiences, but is enriched by their sufficiency. Kantian philosophy attempts to unify those two contrary propositions in prescribing that mind holds a form only as innate to any sensory experiences, but knowledge is only accessible to it by very dependence of sense experiences of the past or present. Yet, what remains indubitably exposed before us is the existence of mind, whatever poor, doomed, bright or creative it may so bear in its reflective activities, in human being. Thus, I being unquestionably a human being can nether be so unfortunate nor be so exceptionally be different from the rest of my fellow-beings for not having any. And, I may safely conclude to own a mind in myself.
For reasons or not, the second part of the supposition cannot justifiably be answered in scientific questioning. This postulation demands more logical investigation than in material estimation. Here again, the two broad views of philosophy run so fast and remote from one another that denies any possible treaty and it poses a frustrating impact on a general mind. According to Empiricism, the act of knowing comes from sense impressions and ideas, while ideas are copies of impressions reflected on mind, either in the past or the present. The concept of self-knowledge is denied in this view of philosophy except its acceptance as an interpretation of an internal perception. In such fashion, introspection is an internal perception according to such view, depended upon sense experiences in like manner of external perception. But, in such explanation, it necessarily demands equal valuation of internal as well as external perceptions so long they are dependent upon sense experiences and thereby admit to have a knower and a subject of knowledge to facilitate the fact occurring of who is experiencing and what is being experienced. Thus, when knower attempts to know the subject of knowledge, an introspection necessarily demands two distinct entities within one mind—one of knower and another of a subject of knowledge. In other words, it requires existence of two qualified identities embodies in a unitary self—a self that is introspecting and another that is introspected. Empiricism also presupposes an existence of unitary content and concept of mind in its theoretical postulations. Thereby if the knower is different from the subject of knowledge in case of introspection, it denies such presupposition of unitary concept of a mind on which the Empiricism fundamentally stands. This only leads to one conclusion that the self loses its identity, as a whole, while introspecting as it cannot either mutate into twosome or can explain to have introspection while not doing so, according to this view of philosophy; this leads to a further crisis of a human mind for sacrificing one part of the self—either the knowing part or the knowable part.
However, according to the view of Rationalism, human mind is capable of having such introspection for holding innate faculties inherently structured in form for analysing, conceptualising and subsequent reflections of such concepts dependent upon sense experiences so analysed within. It adequately satisfies the question and possibility of such introspection to happen in thought process.
This, although, offers suiting explanation to a primary supposition of having introspection valid and possible in human mind, the secondary supposition concerning its relevance in human being remains unanswered. This can only be reasonably answered through ontological explanations of philosophy, which presuppose the very existence of knowledge in this world of experience. And, if knowledge is there, and the knower is there, there must be a causality between such two existences and thus, there is relevance of the act of knowing. This metaphysical relevance justifies the urge for knowing in a more acceptable way than in any other explanations. In that way, I also satiated myself in accepting the relevance of introspection of mind.
The question did not seek much refuge to any academic analysis, either scientific or philosophical, for it is I, who is in the deciding position so far it relates to exercising of choice and free will. This did not demand theories of causal relationship to intervene much for justifying causal dependence of exercising such choice on sense experiences already imprinted upon the human mind. While it is an admitted fact that human mind, in its intellectual form and concept, does not bind itself in exercising its free wills, it cannot be denied that there lives a definite and cognitive reason behind such exercise and also in going for a particular choice amongst many, if such thought process abides in a rational manner. Thus, in my case too, even if I am to accept that it is my free will that demands my mind to go for introspection, it does not offer a satisfactory answer to a rational mind in support of going for that without a definite and cognitive reason behind such behaviour. And, I am bound to answer this question, else I will be left to be perceived only as a human being bereft of any rational application of mind.
If I were to analyse this pertinent question, I would only find myself with two reasons cognitively apparent in mind that adequately justifies my going for it. Yes, primarily, it is my age, which for so long has experienced varied impressions of this world and graduated on its wane towards eventual perishing, must assess its own worth in contributing against its expenses on existence. The valuation is just necessary for to suffice its existence being unquestionable. Nothing can exist if it is not valued to its worth—irrespective of the fact of its being losing or gaining or being passively neutral. This primary cause to expose it before a thorough examination is evident from its not having any contrary logic existing. The secondary reason, although it is also dependent upon the primary reason but has a distinctly perceivable face independent of the primary reason. This is for the death—the fact of ceasing to be—is so imperatively present in human mind that it leaves a permanent craving in itself to leave a legacy when it really ceases to be. Time being a very temporary companion in validity of a human mind ( in more so, of a human soul ) that it necessary commands human mind to go for justifying its impact on future prospects of mankind, and the urge of leaving a legacy naturally flows subterranean unless once in later age one discovers its tremendous potency in directing mind to go for introspection and social reactions to such introspection while validating its essence of being for a longer period when the mind ceases to act further. It is more of a duty than of a pleasure or pain to seek refuge to such yearning for leaving a legacy as human soul remains the most precious gift that a human body carries along its phase of experiencing in this beautiful world. Thus, the cause is pure and simple only to go for an active assessment of mind’s rational validity before the world that has so generously offered it to flourish, enrich, and contribute without demanding anything in return. It is, thus, a free will whether one opts for its social valuation or not; but, in its rational expression, mind can only go for that—introspection and reflecting such introspection on the social mirror. This is why I yearn to leave an imprint on such mirror for its valuation while I remain innocently apart from its material or spiritual contributions towards the mankind, whether beneficial, or detrimental, either to some or many, in whatever degree and fashion. In essentially doing so, with all its failing or success, a human mind can attain what it feels to be aware of one just deed that is to be done. And, I do it for this satisfying awareness of such deed.
For the last question, though it did have an agreeable answer to my own questioning, I leave this for the readers to imagine and perceive as if I do not do this then the very object of leaving an imprint upon the social mirror that my mind yearns to attain will be left with utter frustration.
Here is, thus, the concept of “Introspective Mind” arose and here it is for it has found a beautiful social face to view its ripples of reactions it create upon the social spectacle and here is, thus, a blog to find place before the wide and critical assessment of readers with enough reasons explained hereinbefore. I leave only with an unexplained part for the last question to let you be aware of an introspective mind, if I am to be sure of your interest to be aware of it at all.

A message

Days were so joyous and free
Of walks together for you and me;
Of moments spent in nature’s green
By leisurely laid a lake so serene.

We would play an endless game
That you would ask, “Dad, tell its name”;
I would tell some, but mostly missed
Softly holding your palms so sweet.

Some unknown tunes that birds would sing
The sky would hold spread a gleeful wing;
And, that would let our souls be true
In a dainty milieu of love to brew.

Hidden in time are the seeds of life,
And, its desire and strife,
For to sustain where the world is hard;
We learn to fail with entreaties unheard.

My boy, mind not what time says you to lose
Rue not for what life tells you to choose;
Let only the soul carry the truth divine
For the sojourn to leave an imprint benign.

Dreams....

Those dreams lie wantonly scattered like islands through my beaten course;
apart afar, I gaze on, while destiny denies a reunion anymore.
Once the delicacy of childhood ruled with its spontaneity and yearning to dream;
an innocent mind went on exploring newer world with promising cascades it carried along and novel dreams endlessly surfaced on its crest.
With life defraying its days, nights, time and voids here,
I float unmoving in a tranquil small bay, and, I float on to feel some delightful moments of momentum in a seemingly monotonous recurrence of tides and ebbs only.
Aboard a motionless boat, I take refuge to my eternal leisure;
and, somewhere deep within, it aches alike an enduring old pain,
it weeps for losing those fond dreams forever!
Maybe, time will toil more to trudge me a little further before life offers itself at the sacrificial altar of a vast expanse of ocean.
Maybe, once more, wishes would roam around to get a glimpse of that ancient path that I had traversed for years.
Perchance, our eyes would meet for a while or never.
I know not, if a sailor would lose way ever to moor his boat on one such island ! Perhaps, once in ceaseless future, he would !
Perhaps, he would enjoy some anxious moments of losing way;
maybe, I know not, if he would ever carry that native smell of its clammy soil before set sailing again.
Perhaps, I know not !

[ This is a transliterated copy---the original one was written in Bengali on New Year morning this year ]
Here it goes...........( can be better viewed in enhanced zoomed scale... )

Do I need a name ?

That was an early January noon. I had been badly stuck up in office until it was quite late as I could finally jump into my car. The train was schedule to leave within half an hour, but thickly jammed up road did not allow the car to budge a little farther. It was just a mile or so that I needed to traverse, but it seemed quite long in the time and speed dimension. Instantaneously I left the car and boarded in a Water Transport’s vessel.
I was floated in leisure of a ten minutes’ voyage. Gentle rays of sun had smoothened ripples on river Ganges into some sparkled stripes and I found myself seated alone on one of those passengers’ benches. It was not a time for daily commuters and I could only count three more heads sparsely distributed over at as much distant as they could be comfortably settled. Nevertheless, I could locate two more sitting on the floor of the standing area. I must have crossed them while coming to that passengers’ bench, but somehow did not notice. It was lunchtime in Kolkata; street-side stalls would have already been crowded and people, in comfort, might be savouring over favourite dishes, but on a stretched makeshift dining parlour upon that dancing boat I could see one little girl and her brother enjoy freedom in munching Muri (baked rice) from a single paper packet. Sunshine and wintry breeze together kept on playing with their uncombed hairs in a wanton manner. The girl had been wearing a gauchely tailored attire that seemed to have some decorations with feathers, but could retain only a few. Her younger brother did not although have any such special dress but had been adorned with ink-drawn moustache and several marks on his uncovered parts of hands and legs. They were half-leant over the floor. Drawn against the dazzling sunny noon, I could see a silhouette of my primitive past. I could interpret some reflections on those tiny faces that would expose its utter nonchalance in attempting to explain its own existence. I failed to fathom out what had been hidden under a maze of complex texture. I could only see those tender buds whose unfurled soft petals had yet to experience the pleasure of its blooming. Still I could visualise amusing moods of daily commuters while those two little children might be toiling to entertain them the best in displaying what a few tricks of Eagle-Cat game they might have learnt.
I stood up and got near towards them. The boat was sailing smoothly in the mid-river. I could clearly see the reality extracting its dividend out of sweet lives of two innocent kids.
I asked not what they had been there for and where did they hail from. I knew of it from within me. I could only ask, “What’s your name, baby?”
Those innocuous eyes sparkled in astonishment and she replied, after a neat pause for a while, “I don’t have a name. Do I need one?”
I was dumbfounded. I never knew before anyone living in this world sans a name to be called by. I said, “I don’t know whether you need it or not. But, I would call you ‘Durga’”
Before I could complete I could hear her sweet words rummaging my soul, “What’s about my brother? He also doesn’t have any!”
With all pains inside I could only smilingly add, “I would call him ‘Apu’”
She smiled, and her brother too grinned. I too smiled. But, neither I nor could they realize why we all did so.
In the meantime, the vessel had already reached the other side and started cajoling with the quay; maybe, they were engaged in a quick embrace before it would be the time soon of parting again. I had just ten more minutes left.
Smilingly we parted, silently too.
I boarded in the train. It started moving; slowly—then taking speed—then running fast and fast with landscapes flying away outside.
Only a few words kept on spiralling through the alleys of my mind, my soul, my conscience—“Do I need a name?” I could not decide, I could not think more and I could not answer myself if I really needed a name. I remained besotted with an unrequited question—“Do I really need one?”
I am yet to get an answer!!